Harry Potter and the Broom of Time
by Brenman
Summary: Harry is transported back in time to his parents time at school. I can just smell the parodies?
1. Slash is as Normal as Breathing

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter... and now I'm crying.

Brenman: This is just a parody of time travel fics. Set in Harry's sixth year.

Harry Potter and the Broom of Time

Harry Potter had been having a normal day. First off he had spent a couple of hours in an underground dungeon with some of his least favorite people in the world turning cauldrons full of inedible objects, such as newts eyes, bat guano, and Coke Zero, into edible potions. After that Harry had lunch, no problems there except Harry didn't enjoy finding a piece of house elf hair in his soup. Yummy. Then Harry was whisked up stairs by his over eager friend Hermione to sit in a classroom with some more of his least favorite people in the world. In fact, it was mostly the same people, except he didn't like this teacher as much. He sat in this classroom for another couple hours watching people try and shoot Roman Candles at each other while pretending they were wizards. After that dinner was a very quiet affair.

This is around when Harry's normal day ended. He, Ron, and Hermione were walking across the quiditch pitch on their way to a bush party being held by Dumbledore. No one knows how to party like a decrepit old man. About half of the way across the field Hermione pointed to the center of the field, "Hey guys. What's that?" She said questioningly.

Harry looked quizzically at Ron. "What was that?" he asked.

"I'm not sure." Ron answered back, "I think Hermione just asked her first question."

Harry began screaming insanely about the signs of the apocalypse before spotting a shiny silver broom sitting in the center of the field, "Hey Hermione. What's that?" he asked.

Hermione slapped herself in the face before realizing that she didn't know the answer to the question. A situation she had never been in before. So she did the only thing she could think to do. She committed suicide, but this being a child friendly story, she immediately came back to life.

Harry walked across the field and picked up the mysterious broom, "Why's it silver?"

Ron looked closer at it, "It's not silver, it's brushed stainless steel."

Harry shook his head, "I don't really care, but because it's a broom I have to ride it." Harry grabbed the broom and mounted it. As he brought it up between his legs he noticed a note attached to the handle. "There's a note." he said emotionlessly.

Ron and Hermione looked at him expectantly, and Harry looked back at them. This silent exchange carried on for several more minutes before Ron finally punched Harry in the face, "Oh." Harry suddenly exclaimed, "You want me to read it."

"Yes. That would be nice." Hermione said.

Harry looked down at the note in his hand and began reading out loud, "Get this baby up to 88 Mph and you'll see some real shit. signed Albus 'The Teachinator' Dumbledore."

The three students shrugged their shoulders, "Try it out." Ron suggested, "Dumbledore wouldn't make anything dangerous."

As far as Harry could tell, anyone that would call themselves the Teachinator is bound to do something dangerous eventually. Naturally, he decided the only way to find out was to try it. So Harry took Ron's advice and took off into the air. He shot forward and within a short time was screaming towards the other side of the quiditch pitch. when he was about to hit the stands the broom began giving off strange lights.

Ron and Hermione looked on in worry as Harry nearly hit the stands before completely disappearing. "Finally," Ron nearly screamed out. "Now we won't have people trying to kill us all the time if he's gone. I really hate having a friend like him. It's to damn dangerous."

-- Twenty Odd Years in the Past --

Harry suddenly found himself embedded in the side of the quiditch stands at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Naturally the stands were there twenty years earlier.

-- A Couple Hours Later --

Harry woke up to a mirror hovering above his face. So he decided to punch the mirror for invading his personal space. He was awarded with a satisfying yell of surprise and the second fist in as many hours smashing into his own face. With a Groan Harry sat up and looked around himself. What he found was teenage versions of his father and his father's best friends.

Harry rubbed his eyes, thinking he was hallucinating, and when they didn't go away he groaned, naturally the broom was a time machine, and even more naturally it transported him to his parents time at school because it's the most socially awkward time imaginable.

After Harry and his father looked in each other's eyes for a couple of seconds, they suddenly jumped into each others arms and began making out like there was no tomorrow. After watching the new couple begin taking each other's clothes off a young Sirius Black and Remus Lupin began making out after deciding they were in love with each other. Another couple of minutes later, Severus Snape blew through the door and began making out with Harry and James, because people often fall in love with their worst enemies in the real world. So why not fan fiction?

Peter, not knowing what to do began making out with himself. Because he found himself irresistibly sexy.

And all the new 'couples' lived happily ever after.

Brenman: This was written in less then an hour. so I hope you didn't expect too much, and this isn't a one shot.


	2. Alias' are for Smart People

Disclaimer: I still don't own Harry Potter. Well good. Why would I want some third rate book series like that? I'm not fooling anyone am I? Darn... I'm crying again. I don't own Wikipedia either, but then who does anyway.

Brenman: Here's the second story in my parody.

Harry Potter and the Alias of Oddness

Harry Potter was having an odd day. He had a dream about falling in love with the teenage version of his father, because that's what all the fan fiction writers seemed to want. But now he had woken up in the hospital wing and he was sure the rest of his day would be completely normal. I should say, that's what he though until he saw teenage versions of the infamous marauders standing around his hospital bed.

Harry took stock of the current situation and did the only thing he ever seems to do in this situation. He jumped out of bed and ran to the Teachinator's office. Harry's father and his friends followed him all the way there and when they reached the stone gargoyle they found Harry standing there reciting the names of sweets. "Acid Pops. Cockroach Cluster. Peanut brittle. Deep-fried Mars Bars. Haggis. Shooger Koted Chokolate Amfibiuns like things."

The gargoyle sprang to life and jumped aside. Harry shrugged his shoulders at the elderly headmasters choice in desserts and ran up escalator to the office at the top. Harry ran to the wooden door and pulled it open. The sight that met his eyes was Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall making out on top of Dumbledore's desk. Harry ran into the office and slammed the door behind him, "Professor Dumbledore. I thought you were supposed to be gay?" Harry blurted out.

"Actually, because this takes place during the sixth book Harry, I never turned out to be gay until J.K. Rowling said so after the seventh book." a noticeable younger Dumbledore said calmly.

"Wait." Harry said, "How do you know my name?"

"Wikipedia." The elderly man said quickly.

"Oh." Was Harry's only reply.

Dumbledore pushed the female teacher off of him and she stumbled out the door while pulling her hair back into it's ever present bun. The Headmaster looked at the young student and smiled, "Well Mr. Potter. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I came from the future and I want you to tell me what I should do about it." Harry said.

"Okay." Dumbledore said. "First you'll need an alias. How does Hairy Pawter sound?"

"That's stupid. It sounds the same as my real name." He said.

"All right then." Dumbledore said, "How about John Doe."

"I don't like that name either." Harry said.

"Well. It's either John Doe, or Horny Peter." The old man said.

Harry groaned, "Horny Peter it is."

Dumbledore smiled, "I knew you'd like one of my names. Next you should go and introduce yourself to everyone around the school and make as many slip ups and discrepancies in your fabricated stories as possible so that everyone, especially your parents become really suspicious of you."

"Okay" Harry said enthusiastically before marching out of the office purposefully. Before he could go far Harry ran into his father and the Marauders at the bottom of the escalator, but this time a young red head was with them. Harry immediately recognized her as his mother, and obviously she would be hanging out with a bunch of boys she didn't like at all.

The marauders and Lily looked at Harry as he stopped in front of them and waved, "Hi. I'm the new exchange student from Beauxbatons, except I have an english accent because I don't like the french." Harry stopped waving before continuing with his well thought out introduction, "My name is Harry James Potter and my parents names were James and Lily Pot... Ummm. I mean, I'm Horny Peter and I'm in no way related to anyone here and I'm not from the future at all."

Sirius and James looked at each other before shrugging their shoulders, "Makes sense to us. Absolutely nothing suspicious about what you just said." Sirius said happily before clapping one of Horny's hands in a handshake. "Welcome to Hogwarts Horny."

James was quickly getting bored with this new student that looked amazingly similar to himself, so he decided to fall back on his favorite past time. Hitting on a girl that hates his guts, "Hey lily, wanna go to Hogsmead with me. We could go to the Hogs Head and drink extremely alcoholic drinks out of dirty mugs. Would you like that?"

Lily grimaced, "In your dreams Potter." she shouted before stalking away form the group.

Brenman: Hope you enjoy the second chapter as much as the first one. Unless you hated the first chapter and your only reading more chapters because you want to watch me make an idiot of myself.


	3. MarySue Potter the Fourth

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, but I can pretend.

Brenman: Are you ready for the third explosive chapter of the landmark parody story that started it all? Am I delusional?

Harry Potter and His Aunt of Non-existance-ness

Harry spent the rest of the day hanging out with his fathers group of friends and telling mismatching stories about where he came from to any students that would try to introduce themselves.

If anyone had been keeping a list they would find that Harry had previously gone to school at Beauxbatons, Durmstrang, Salem Academy, Pigpimples School of Sorcerescraft and Warlockzerdry, and Harvard.

Another list would have told them that Harry's name was either, Harry Potter, Horny Peter, John Doe, or none of their business.

By the time dinner rolled around Harry was starving and he happily followed the Marauders into the great hall. When they sat down James introduced Harry to a black haired girl sitting across from him, and beside Sirius. James told him that she was his sister, Mary-sue Potter, and naturally she was dating Sirius Black. "Hello, I'm Mary-sue and as it turns out I'm one of the most powerful witches in existence, and I've been told I'm even stronger then Dumbledore, but naturally no one ever talks about me because apparently they don't feel like I'm important to the story line."

"It's nice to meet you. I never realized I had an aunt. I mean, I never realized that... umm, Sirius had a girlfriend." Harry said awkwardly.

"Oh." Mary-sue said in a questioning voice, "Why would you care if Sirius and I are going out?"

"Because," Harry said slowly while trying to think up an excuse, "I was wondering if he was available because I think he's so damn sexy."

Everyone nodded happily, "We all know Sirius is dead sexy and everyone in the school is trying to date him." Remus said, "Well everyone except James. He's only interested in screwing Lily, but she hates everything about him. We're taking bets on how long it'll take for him to wear her down through sheer persistence."

Harry nodded, "Well put me down for twenty galleons that she's going to be going out with him before the end of this story."

Remus took out a little black book and jotted down a few words before putting it back inside his robes.

The great hall became quiet as Dumbledore stood up at the head table, "Now I have an announcement to make. In case you haven't found out already, we have an exchange student in our midst. He will be staying with us for a little while until I can find a way to get rid of him. When that happens don't panic just because he may suddenly disappear without warning. His name is Horny Peter and he recently came here from being home schooled by his parents who were brutally slaughtered by Voldemort right in front of his eyes. So feel free to question him about it mercilessly. Now, Mr. Peter, if you would be so kind as to come up here, we can sort you into your house. The choices are, the cool table, the dorky table, the nerdy table, or the table that everyone else throws food at."

Professor McGonagall walked in front of the school and placed a four legged bar stool on the stage. Harry walked up to the stool and looked down at a misshapen lump lying on the chair. He picked up the lump and found it to be a thick wool toque with tassels and a large pompom. Harry sat down and placed the toque on his head. "Hello," said an obnoxiously loud voice, "I'm the all Canadian sorting toque. Eh!"

Harry grinned, "This was way more fun then the ordinary sorting hat. Now why don't you just put me in Gryffindor already."

The toque seemed to laugh in Harry's mind, "Not a chance, You're definitely going to Slytherin, it'll be much more fun if I put you there. According to the fan fiction authors, putting you in Slytherin and making your parents hate you is the only way to go. How aboot that, Eh?"

"No way, I'm going to be in Gryffindor." Harry said angrily.

The Toque began to open up at in the center as some of the stitching pulled apart and Harry quickly slammed his hand down over the opening just before the toque could get anything more then a 'Sl' out. Harry then used his unimpressive skills at ventriloquism to yell out his own "Gryffindor, Eh."

The Gryffindor table cheered in response as Harry threw the toque off and ran to his assigned table. As McGonagall took the stool and Toque away Dumbledore stood up once again, "Now that that's finished. Dig In." Dumbledore finished his little speech, clapped his hands together, and the food appeared on all the tables, except the Slytherin one.

The house elves didn't like the Slytherins because they're supposed to be the bad guys and they've suppressed the house elves for too long. The elves had decided to starve them all to death. Hooray for pay back. Of course, once they were finished with the Slytherins they would eventually plan to take over the world using their incredible powers of cooking and cleaning to over power the humans.

Harry was eating happily for a while, filling his empty stomach, before James nudged his side, "The story that Dumbledore just said wasn't like any of the stories you've told us so far."

Harry decided that the best answer was silence.

Eventually James dropped the subject because the fan fiction author couldn't think up any plausible solutions to the current problem, and after dinner he lead Harry up to the dorm with the marauders trailing behind. They were all really tired, but naturally it was a full moon that night and all the marauders were going to be leaving during the night to be with their werewolf friend.

Brenman: Hope you liked this one also. Unless like I previously stated, you only continue reading stories that you have no interest in.


	4. Harry Potter and the Convenient Plot

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I Pwn Harry Potter. I'm L337.

Brenman: I know you've all been waiting for this one.

Harry Potter and the Convenient Plot Points

Harry Potter, or should I say Horny Peter had been having a good nights rest, he had dreamt about having hot sweaty sex with Draco Malfoy, because apparently that's what everyone wants to read about. Unfortunately, his good sleep couldn't last for ever, and he woke up. After looking out the window he realized that he must have been woken up by his father and friends leaving the room it wasn't very late in the night and the full moon was sitting high in the sky.

Harry crept out of bed and down the staircase to the common room, he slid under his invisibility cloak that had conveniently slipped through a plot hole and ended up in the past with him. Harry made his way out of Gryfindor tower and down to the entrance hall with the stealth that could only be matched in movies by using special effects. Like tuning the microphone off so they sound really quiet.

Harry Potter crept out of the castle and towards the whoop-ass willow. When he got to the large tree, it was already thrashing about, and just out of reach of the branches stood a young version of Severus Snape. He was poking at the tree with a stick while looking at a book in his left hand titled Tree Acupuncture for Idiots. Harry knew what would happen, Snape would find his way to the shrieking shack and his father would have to save Snapes life. Then a couple decades down the road Snape would be forced to save Harry's life during his first year.

Naturally Harry was really curious as to what would have happened if Snape hadn't saved him and he had fallen to a bloody death, so Harry decided to change history. He walked up behind him and gave him a little push. Snape went stumbling forward, and Harry was rewarded with hearing a sickening crunch as his future potions professor went sailing over his head and into some rocks. Harry smiled at his good deed for the day, "Saved your life." he yelled out and proceeded to run into a convenient nearby telephone booth.

Seconds later Harry burst out of the booth wearing a spandex costume with a large 'H' over his chest, "Tadadadatada. I am Mary-Sue-per Harry. I can do anything." and he quickly dodged all the branches on the whomping pussy-willow and slid into the passage way below the tree. Within minutes he had reached the other end of the passage way and, after changing into his normal clothes he opened the trapdoor and peeked out into the dilapidated house.

Harry heard a sniffing sound behind him and turned around, only to come face to face with a werewolf wearing a pink tutu. 'Geez.' Harry thought to himself, 'No wonder Remus doesn't want anyone to know about this.'

The werewolf was about to take a large bite out of Harry's face when he suddenly transformed into a phoenix. That's right. He can do that, J.K. Rowling must have figured that it just wasn't important enough to tell the readers. In fact, Harry can change into anything he wants. Didn't you know?

Harry, the Werebalerina and and the other animagus spent the rest of the night playing blackjack. You've all seen that picture of the dogs playing poker. Yeah. Kind of like that.

-- The Next Morning --

Harry was the first to wake up in the morning. The group of boys had only gone to sleep less then two hours earlier after the sun had come up. Harry figured he better get the other up in time to have breakfast. They had slept in late enough as it was, it's just fortunate that full moons always seem to happen on Fridays so that they could sleep in the following morning with out getting in trouble.

It took harry a few minutes to wake up his father, Remus and Peter, and it took all four of them about half of an hour to wake Sirius up, because the fan fiction author had all agreed that waking him up was nearly impossible.

One hour after Harry woke up he found himself and the marauders entering the great hall, where most of the student body was already seated, and they all appeared to be wearing large clown wigs. An enormous banner hung behind the staff table that said, 'This is the work of the Marauderettes. Four girls that are in every way superior to the marauders and hate all of them, except Remus because he's so nice, and even though we all hate the marauders we use their name anyway. By the way, we all happen to be animagus conveniently.'

Harry sat down after reading the sign, he naturally knew who all the girls were that had pulled the prank, because Harry Potter knows everything.

James sat down beside him and started loading his plate with as many greasy pieces of dead animal that he could reach. "So Horny. Do you like playing Quiditch?" He asked.

"Yes I do." Harry said through a mouth full of grilled house elf. "Why?"

"Well, we're conveniently missing a job-seeker this year and I was wondering if you would like to try out for the team." James said pleadingly, "The tryouts are just before noon today, and I'm the captain. I play skirt-chaser, Sirius is a Wife-beater, Remus doesn't do anything, and Peter is the water boy."

"Sure, I'll try out." Harry said happily, and returned to his gourmet meal.

Brenman: Hope you enjoy this latest Chapter.


	5. Teen Pregnancy for Dummies

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Brenman: Here's another installment of my parody dumping ground.

Horny Peter and the Accidental Meeting

Harry had just finished up his breakfast. After hearing about the tryouts he decided to even up his diet for today. So he had found himself eating stuff such as prunes, dates, fresh fruit, and a bowl of Bran with his grilled House Elf.

It was half an hour later that Harry Potter found himself walking down to the Quiditch pitch with the marauders. He had his Firebolt slung over his shoulder and the other boys were staring at it hungrily. Harry wasn't sure where his fire bolt came from, he certainly hadn't had it with him when he traveled back in time, and the author didn't know where it came from either.

Once the group arrived on the pitch they waltzed casually into the changing rooms, and after a quick orgy they waltzed back out in their Quiditch robes. The group mounted their brooms and took to the air, and in an impressive display of speed, maneuverability, and Extreme manliness Harry quickly enchanted the others with his flying skills and his futuristic broom.

The tryouts were going great, James would let the snitch fly around and then all the perspective seekers would try to catch it first. So far Harry had captured the snitch all twelve times. Harry was flying along around the outside edge of the pitch following the thirteenth snitch when he noticed a broken piece of the wall coming up. He figured that it must have been where he crashed into the stands. Harry turned back to the snitch, and as he was about to grab it in his outstretched hands he found himself once again embedded in the side of the bleachers after some idiot on a broom hit him.

Harry slowly came back to the land of consciousness and as he lay on something soft he thanked goodness that his Firebolt had the optional airbags. He opened his eyes slowly to find himself in the hospital wing, and he was instantly assaulted by a head of blurry red hair. "Ron? Is that you?" Harry blurted out, he quickly found himself with a large red hand print emblazoned on the side of his face.

"Harry Potter don't you dare compare me to that filthy brother of mine." Ginny Weasley yelled at her boyfriend.

James looked up at the red headed girl oddly, "Well, that's one hell of an accent you have there. I could have sworn you just called him Harry Potter. Everyone knows his name is Horny Peter."

Ginny chuckled, "Oh, did I? My mistake, I guess I'm just all shaken up from the crash."

James shrugged, "It's okay, what were you doing flying around the middle of the Quiditch pitch without looking where you were going? I don't even remember seeing you at the tryouts. Now that I mention it, I've never seen you around school either."

Ginny grimaced at the thought of what she was going to say next, "I guess that's just how bad a flier I am." And the red headed girl conveniently forgot about the rest of the question as Harry began to stir again.

Harry sat up in bed and threw his glasses on, "Ginny, what are you doing here?"

Ginny turned to look at Harry happily, "Dumbledore made us another copy of the Deborean, and I used it to come here and find you, We could have used it to go back, but it got smashed up when I flew into you."

Harry shook his head in disbelief, "So it was called a Delorean?"

"No. A Deborean, for copyright purposes." Ginny said.

"Wow Ginny, "Harry said after taking a good look at her, "You've really gained some weight. What happened?"

"I'm pregnant." She said quickly, "Isn't that great."

"Whose the father?" Harry asked nervously. "Is it Malfoy?"

"Don't be an idiot, why would you think that?"

"Because I went on a fan fiction website looking for Harry/Ginny lemons and all I could find were Ginny/Draco lemons." Harry said nonchalantly, as if it were the most casual thing in the world to say.

"No, it isn't Malfoy, but now I am kind of interested. What website was this?"

"Never mind." Harry blurted, "Is it Neville?"

"The father?" Ginny asked, "That's even less likely."

"Really," Harry said, "well all the fan fiction authors seemed to think that because you two went to the Yule ball together, you're madly in love with each other."

Ginny found herself resisting the urge to kill every fan fiction author in the world at the moment, but restrained herself. "Your the father Har... I mean Horny. Oh, and Hermione's pregnant too. Apparently everyone likes to read about teen pregnancies, their just so funny and romantic. Especially in real life."

"Whose the father this time?" Harry asked, "Malfoy, Snape, or Hagrid."

"Hagrid? No way, it's Ron." Ginny asked with a disgusted look on her face, "Did you see a Hermione/Hagrid story?"

"Not yet thankfully," Harry said, "but it's only a matter of time. Hey Ginny, when can I get out of here?"

"You can leave any time you want, we got you to the hospital wing pretty fast and you have no lasting injuries, but you did soil yourself when you were knocked out cold. Now Harry I just have to say, did you eat a dead house elf or something, because, boy did that stink."

"Damn. I knew I shouldn't have eaten all those natural laxatives." Harry said.

"Just for the record," Ginny added, "If they smell like that, your changing all the diapers."

Brenman: I would just like all my readers to know that I don't condone teen pregnancies, Eating house elves, or Hargid having sex in any way.


	6. Dude

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Brenman: Here's the next chapter, but then again I don't have to tell you that.

Dude (Translation: Harry Potter and the Cross dresser)

It was about a half hour before supper and Harry Potter and his pregnant girlfriend Ginny Weasley were currently in the Hogwarts kitchens with the marauders. The group was playing a three on three game of House Elf bowling. The little slaves made perfect pins, they would obey without question, and they could set themselves back up again. Plus it was easy to find round things, like cantaloupes and watermelons in the kitchen. Of course, if you really wanted to rack up the points, you would find a pumpkin.

James laughed as his cheese wheel (Stilton) somehow managed to bag him a clean strike. With a resounding whoop he turned to the rest of the group, "Hey guys, what do you say we call it a game. Supper's soon and I don't want to miss it. I hear the Marauderettes are planning a prank, and I want to see what they've come up with. I only wish we could figure out who they are."

The group nodded and followed the brown eyed Potter up the stairs towards the dinning hall. When they got there, the prank the Marauderettes pulled was quite obvious. Every student in the dining hall that wasn't sitting at the Gryfindor table had what appeared to be cucumbers growing out of their head instead of hair. The group cautiously sat down, incase they should befall the same fate, but fortunately they didn't.

Well, fortunately for everyone but Sirius, "I like cucumbers, and having my own fresh supply could have come in handy." The black haired teen said.

While everyone laughed at the stupidity of Sirius James was as per usual staring down the table dreamily at Lily Evans. He sighed happily as he saw here giggling at what one of the girls around her said. As James looked at the four girls he suddenly realized something. "Wait a minute," he said to the group, "I think I just figured out who the Marauderettes are."

"Who?", the other three Marauders asked eagerly.

"It's Lily and Mary-sue's group. There's four of them, and they're girls. It all fits." He said, "Right Horny, you agree with me?"

"Well, it's a good theory," Harry said, "but there's just one problem. The banner from this morning stated that the Marauderettes hate you all except Remus, but Mary-sue is dating Sirius. She must not hate him, therefore, the real Marauderettes, that I've known about all along are actually, Professors Mcgonagal, and Sinistra, and Madam Pince and Hagrid."

"Hang on a second. Are you trying to tell us that it was teachers and staff pulling these pranks," Remus asked incredulously, "And wait a minute. Hagrid isn't a girl."

"You mean he hasn't invited you to one of his cross dressing parties?" Harry asked, "They're all the rage. Anyway, Hagrid likes to pretend."

The group looked only slightly disgusted, "That's just not right." Siruis said.

"I don't know," Peter Petigrew replied, "I'm kind of interested now."

Everyone chose to ignore the rat, instead they listened to what Remus had to say, "I wonder what Hagrid turns into? I bet it's really big, like an elephant, or a hippopotamus."

"He turns into a fluffy bunny rabbit." Ginny said nonchalantly.

"How'd you know that?" Remus asked, "You just got here."

"Women's intuition." She said, "It's the answer to everything."

"Oh yeah, then let's see your women's intuition translate this dude-speak. Dude." Sirius said to James in a really smug sounding voice.

James looked back, "Dude." he said back in a worried sounding voice.

"Dude." Sirius said and crossed his arms happily.

"Dude." James said in an angry voice and punched Sirius in the face, knocking him down.

Ginny looked on in awe, "What the hell was that?" She asked.

Harry nodded, "So women's intuition can't do everything. Sirius just told James that his sister is pregnant also."

Ginny squealed, "Really. Yay, more teen pregna... James has a sister?"

Harry nodded, "Yeah, she's right over there." he said with a point, "Her names Mary-Sue Potter."

"Guys?" Remus said as the excitement was wearing off, "I was just thinking about what Horny said, and if it's true, then that means that according to the banner this morning. A bunch of the teachers and staff hate you guys."

Sirius shrugged from his position on the floor, "Nothing new."

James clapped his hands together, "I think it's time for us to prank them. They're on our turf and we need to retaliate. Any idea's?"

Sirius nodded again, "We could charm them so that they feel like they have to go to the bathroom really badly all the time."

Remus shook his head, "Where do you come up with this stuff?"

Sirius shrugged, "Oh I know, we could trick them into thinking that in the future the world is going to be taken over by machines and there's an extremely advanced cybernetic robot with a heavy accent and an even heavier gun trying to kill them before they can lead the human resistance, and it's their job to blow up Microsoft before they can come out with their next operating system of doom."

Remus looked on in shock, "That's the weirdest prank you've ever come up with."

"I think it's cool, and come on. Who here seriously hasn't wanted to blow up Microsoft at some point?" Sirius said.

"Well technically," James said, "We're all wizards, we don't even know what Microsoft is."

Remus nodded, "Is it something that's really small and soft at the same time?"

"That would be a reasonable guess." Peter joined in.

Sirius shook his head "Never mind, now all we need is a guy from the future and we're all set to begin phase one. Anyone know where we can find a guy from the future?"

Brenman: Dude.


End file.
